e. e. cunnings

paulscheer: A-Team meets Star Trek

Sat, 28 Nov 2009 11:27:53 -0500

A-Team meets Star Trek

"In addition to Happy Eid, you will see greetings of Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Joyous Kwanzaa..."

Thu, 26 Nov 2009 00:56:54 -0500

“In addition to Happy Eid, you will see greetings of Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Joyous Kwanzaa and Feliz Navidad.”

- snopes.com: Best Buy - Happy Eid al-Adha

…Mexican Christmas is its own religious holiday now.

Happy Thanksgiving, yall.

Thu, 26 Nov 2009 00:31:41 -0500

Happy Thanksgiving, yall.

Yikes, The Web. Yikes.

Wed, 25 Nov 2009 23:21:26 -0500

Go to Google.com
Try searching for the lyrics of the song “I Got My Mojo Workin’” by Muddy Waters.
Get through eight letters and type “I Got My Mo”, to see what the MOST COMMONLY SEARCHED FOR suggestion that pops down is.
Be disappointed in everyone, everywhere.

BBM convo between my mom and my brother from the other day

Wed, 25 Nov 2009 21:46:00 -0500

Mom: what are your plans
My brother: for what?
Mom: The rest of your life

(via Celeste)
http://www.celesterstallone.com/post/257640903/bbm-convo-between-my-mom-and-my-brother-from-the-other

(My brother and I are talking about how he hates explaining...

Wed, 25 Nov 2009 18:51:43 -0500

(My brother and I are talking about how he hates explaining “What’s so funny?” to our dad whenever something funny happens)

Also, this is how my brother talks.

djfartz: T-shirt I thought of. I’m gonna be so fucking rich.

Wed, 25 Nov 2009 16:11:49 -0500

djfartz:

T-shirt I thought of. I’m gonna be so fucking rich.

mynameisclaudia: another fine video done by the folks over at...

Tue, 24 Nov 2009 19:34:20 -0500

mynameisclaudia:

another fine video done by the folks over at the full ginsburg. though i’m technically still a part of the group, my moving to florida has certainly made it difficult for me to contribute. but seeing videos like this make me realize what a talented group we really are. and by “we” i mean the rest of the group that is still in nyc and actively still making videos and posting to the website.

presenting, “the belated role of tv news” (co-starring one of my favorite cable news crawls).

(youtube via the full ginsburg)

Aww, Claudizzle, we miss you.

The Elevator

Mon, 23 Nov 2009 21:02:20 -0500

Today I was leaving work on a run, walking into the elevator in my building and just as I was stepping in, I felt one of those primal reverberations where I just ‘sensed’ that there was an absurdly beautiful woman in the vicinity. And sure enough, in the elevator was [REDACTED]. [I’m going to leave the name off, but think of the stereotypically hottest twenty-something woman on TV and it’s probably her. Picked one? Good, let’s continue.] Now walk in, Cunningham, enter this world. OK. Make eye contact, then rapid eye aversion, and a desperate attempt not to let on that you know who she is. Face forward in the elevator, be cool, dammit. Put down the box you’re carrying. No wait, don’t, it hints that you can’t carry it. Pick it up again. Oh man, why’d you do that? That’s awkward. Is every other dude in this elevator also sweating? Yep, they’re definitely sweating. Why are we like this? We are grown-ass men. She’s checking her blackberry, she doesn’t even know we’re here. A stop on the THIRD FLOOR? Dude, get on this elevator, you don’t know what you’re in store for. Oh, you saw her. Of course you did, she’s like a siren. Be cool, guy. No, you’re not being cool. Alright, ground floor, everyone out. Third-Floor-Dude, you go first. Yeah, go. No, I’m not going, you are. No, just go first. You’re making this uncomfortable. Just. Go. Good. Now I’ll follow and she’s behind me. Alright. Yep, you’re holding the door for me, that way you can glance back and make sure it’s who you thought it was. Yes, it is. Now back off, I’m holding the door for her. Fiddle with the box, still holding the door… Did you hear that? She said ‘Thanks’. Suck it, T.F.D. Now I’ll look down and mumble back, “No prob.” “No prob,” right? It’s how young, cool people say, “No problem.” Because it’s no problem for me to hold the door open for you. Even though I was carrying this heavy box, though its not too heavy, because I’m so strong, and I still had enough strength to hold the door for you, so you wouldn’t have to look up from your blackberry. Because I’m such a gentleman. A muscular one.
I’ll do things like this all the time when we’re dating, too.

Things I thought would have happened, but in reality, well, haven't actually happened yet

Mon, 23 Nov 2009 19:39:22 -0500

theoreticallyso:

1) Helicopter ownership by 18 years old, also universal health care

2) First published book by graduation

3) Giants winning back to back superbowls

4) Getting arrested while wandering around in my socks aimlessly in an apartment building at 6 am

5) Falling in love with the jet-set life of a traveling salesman in corporate America

6) Getting into a PhD program and not having to spend $50,000 on a Masters degree to escape the jet-set life of a traveling salesman in corporate America

7) Being able to cook pasta without always looking at the box

8) Reading Infinite Jest, Gravity’s Rainbow, or 2666

9) Leveraging column in college newspaper to score with hot chicks—relatedly, convincing myself that it’s worth writing for some other motivation than the promise of money, fame, or sex

10) Going bald

I, too, believed in #1, #2, and #7. I would have believed #9, if my Cav Daily columns weren’t so childish and emasculating. Would also like to add:

11) Have a life similar to that of Paul Reiser in Mad About You

12) Be able to play the piano by ear after practicing for a solid month.

13) Have traveled since college. At all. Like, even to Connecticut or something.

SOMEONE EXPLAIN THIS TO ME. Four other people have looked at it...

Sat, 21 Nov 2009 10:56:29 -0500

SOMEONE EXPLAIN THIS TO ME. Four other people have looked at it and can’t figure it out. So far the building has been hypothesized to be a:

university
courthouse
museum
library
fancy bakery

If I descend into insanity, this is the root.

Cartoons from the Issue of November 23, 2009 : The New Yorker

Trip to Florida is imminent. mynameisclaudia: Look what I...

Wed, 18 Nov 2009 11:53:31 -0500

Trip to Florida is imminent.

mynameisclaudia:

Look what I finally found!

I know Josh and Eric will appreciate this.

Fine, fine. I’ll protect your identity…...

Mon, 16 Nov 2009 18:21:23 -0500

Fine, fine. I’ll protect your identity… “Lordan Jevy”.

OK, iTunes, I’ve already given up: I’m old and will...

Sun, 15 Nov 2009 10:23:22 -0500

OK, iTunes, I’ve already given up: I’m old and will never feel comfortable in my knowledge of today’s music ever again.

HOWEVER… “Lady Antebellum”? Is this a parody? How can this person hold the top spot?

"rocky learned how to open doors. we put him in the garage last night and we heard something in the..."

Thu, 12 Nov 2009 05:52:02 -0500

““rocky learned how to open doors. we put him in the garage last night and we heard something in the living room and saw rocky in there. he opened the door and walked into the house. then we put him back in the garage and he opened up the garage door.””

- -my dad on the phone tonight, talking about his ridiculously smart labrador retriever (via mynameisclaudia)

Watch out, Mr. Castillo. You could end up like this guy. (Jump to :26, but you all were probably already thinking it, too)

You crazy for this one,...

Wed, 11 Nov 2009 20:43:48 -0500

You crazy for this one, Claudia.

(nailedit)

mynameisclaudia:

not only do i love the song “empire state of mind”, but the video is pretty killer as well. it’s catches every essence of new york city and makes me a little nostalgic.

My Wedding Vows

Tue, 10 Nov 2009 10:44:00 -0500

My love, my world, my Marlene,

Today we proclaim our love in front of friends and family in the sacred rite of holy matrimony. Most here know how this story began, but for those who haven’t, allow me to share with them the moment that started it all.

It was November 10, 2009. At 8:30AM, I was showering before doing laps, wondering “Do I even enjoy this, really?” A few steps down to the pool and I began the monotonous routine that is lane-swimming. In the lane next to yours. It was written.

After a few laps accompanied only by my thoughts, on one trip back our laps grew synchronized, and there we found ourselves in a rhythmic social display. Face in water, face out of water. Because you’re left-handed (or perhaps a bilateral swimmer because you’re perfect) with every breath we locked eyes for one second before staring back at the black line racing down the pool. We came up for air, but really for eachother. Exhale, inhale, exhale, inhale. I wondered what our kids would look like.

I swam a little harder, goading you into a race. But you were in no hurry and enjoyed the game already started. Your face was beautiful; your eyes were a blue like the weird color of a pool, but not weird in this context. Ten meters left and I wondered, am I imagining this? As we reached the bored lifeguard’s feet, on your last breath I saw the slightest upturn of a smirk. This is the smirk you make when I take photos of us on our vacations together.

That smirk is all I thought about on the trip back to our starting line. On the return, my back was to you, unable to read the thoughts on your face. But I saw the smirk, I know I saw it. Now what, though. Are we going to play the game again? Yeah, let’s play again. Let’s play again old together.

But when I turned to ask you for another dance, you weren’t there. You were walking to the bench where your towel sat. Out of the pool, I saw your swimsuit bottom had little flares kinda like short shorts — the type that burn their presence into your mind. My thoughts raced. But you were already up the stairs. The length of the pool now between us. A pool separated us, after it had brought us together. And foiled! This wasn’t the hour of day I normally get to swim and I knew I’d probably never see you in that pool again: a hydrotango cut short.

Luckily a few months later, I saved your life when you tripped in front of a bus and now we’re married, so it all worked out, no worries.

Passive Aggressive Corporate Emails. I used to have a Netflix...

Sat, 07 Nov 2009 12:02:54 -0500

Passive Aggressive Corporate Emails.

I used to have a Netflix 3-at-a-time plan, then canceled my subscription. A year later, I subscribed again on a 1-at-a-time plan, and I thought they’d be happy to have me back. Apparently not.

Killgore (via ari_nyc) Alllllllllllright, I’m gonna make...

Tue, 03 Nov 2009 20:59:31 -0500

Killgore (via ari_nyc)

Alllllllllllright, I’m gonna make sure to see this next year.

Photo Finish - Episode 1 | Miami Dolphins

Tue, 03 Nov 2009 20:57:41 -0500

Photo Finish - Episode 1 | Miami Dolphins:

Check out what Claudia made. Baaaallller